You have a growing concern that within the next 12 to 18 months or so, your aging relative will need more and more of your assistance and time. You're concerned because of your relative's age, past and present medical condition, and current living condition.

Ask. Ask questions of your care recipient. Ask questions of health care professionals. Ask questions of lawyers and financial planners.

      You expect to become a caregiver; this is your time to prepare. You should research options, gather information, and provide the opportunity for your care recipient to share his or her feelings and values. This is also your time to concentrate on taking care of yourself--keeping up with family and friends, enjoying your hobbies and interests, pursing your career goals, taking trips you've always dreamed of.Although an immediate crisis may not face you, the threat of one seems to hang in the horizon. Rather than closing your eyes to avoid seeing that horizon, you can take some proactive steps now that will make your future caregiving days easier.As an "expectant caregiver", what can you do?

1. Consult with a good lawyer familiar with eldercare issues.
2. Find out about durable powers of attorney for health care and living wills; start the process to ensure that the necessary legal papers are in order.
3. Determine financial situations.Knowing the financial status can help determine future health care choices. Determine monthly income from pensions and social security; learn about annuities, stock investments and bank accounts.

1. Put your care recipient's papers in order
   

         Financial. Find out where your care recipient keeps financial information, including investments, bank accounts and tax returns. Find out names of lawyers, bankers and accountants. Also, locate life insurance policies, birth certificates, and funeral arrangements papers. --Medical. Find the names and phone numbers of all physicians as well as information about all prescribed medications. Also, find social security and Medicare cards. Complete living wills and durable powers of attorney for health care.

2. Learn about your care recipient's medical condition
   

         Speak with the physician about your care recipient's diagnosis as well as prognosis. Ask what you can expect in the future.Spend time in the library and/or on the Internet conducting your own research. Also, contact local agencies, such as the Alzheimer's Association, Cancer Society and Arthritis Foundation. These organizations have myriad literature and information a available.They can be a great resource for future problems you may encounter.

3. Discuss plan of care with other family members.
   

         Make sure all family members have the same information that you do. If possible, involve your care recipient in discussiones. Find out what your care recipient's wishes are in regard to her care and living situations.Find out what your family members can do to help. Even out-of-state relatives can help. Based on your care recipient's wishes and the availability of family members, develop a plan of care. For instance, who will help Mom with her groceries? Who will help Mom bathe and dress in the morning? Who will take Mom to her doctors' appointments?

4. Find help.
   

         No one person can take on all the responsibilities. Programs and assistance may be available to you. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging and your state's Department of Aging.

5. Make time for yourself.
   

         Set aside time regularly so you can pursue your own interests and hobbies. Caregiving is stressful. All caregivers need time away--it's good for the caregiver and the care recipient.Attend a support group regularly. Or, find an outlet for you to vent your frustrations, such as to friends and families, or in your daily journal.

6. Become an educated caregiver.
   

         Learn about hands-on techniques, such as transferring safely, proper skin care and lifting properly. Ask your home health aides or visiting nurses to show you the proper techniques. Or, attend a caregiving class offered in your community. Your local American Red Cross office may have information about caregiving classes.Purchase a diary you can use to log your care recipient's health. Make notes about meal consumption, techniques that worked, when medication was dispensed and any changes in medical condition. This journal will be helpful during doctor appointments and when other family members ask for updates.

7. Set limits.
   

         Determine at what point you can no longer care for your care recipient, or at what point you feel she will be unsafe in her own home. For instance, some family caregivers determine that they are uncomfortable providing care when a care recipient becomes incontinent.

8. Plan for the future.
   

         Seek out the options available in your community that will be appropriate when you can no longer care for your care recipient. Visit several retirement centers, assisted living facilities and nursing homes to find one that you are comfortable with and that can provide the appropriate level of care.

9. Respect your care recipient.
   

         Although your care recipient may seem to be acting "childish", she is not a child. Respect her need for independence and choices. Encourage her to do as much for herself as possible--you'll both benefit.

10. Be a resource for other family caregivers.
    

          Share your experience and knowledge. The best resource for family caregivers is other family caregivers.